Posts Tagged ‘football’

“I have some questions…”

December 17, 2009

There are four words my long-suffering fiance hates to hear while we are watching television together.  I do try to hold back on actually uttering them until there is a convenient ad break or opening sequence, but bless him, he knows they are coming – and sometimes, of course (particularly during films) I just cannot hold them in.  I am only human after all, and faced with, say, the opening scene of the most recent CSI:Miami season finale, who wouldn’t have a few questions?

(It should be noted here that I am also battling with a severe tendency to ask questions during football games.  A word of advice to any ladies out there whose partners are football fans: if you don’t get it, DON’T SPEAK UP.  They’re not pleased that you’re trying to understand – they’re just pissed off that you’re interrupting.  And if you dare ask “which colour are our team?” well, frankly, you deserve whatever you get.  I have learned this the hard way.  Learn the off-side rule in your free time, however, and they might be impressed.)

This affliction is not just limited to TV, however.  I am constantly baffled and vocal about the many things in the world that perplex me.  Recent examples include:

  • My mum’s doctor’s explanation of the way her little finger goes white and numb in the cold – “It’s basically your finger having a heart attack.”  I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS, firstly: fingers do not have hearts, secondly: I know the first one was not a question, thirdly: I don’t mean to be racist but are you sure you are a real doctor.
  • The aforementioned opening scene of the CSI: Miami season finale – ok so he is poisoned with rat poison, he collapses, they put him in the ambulance.  No questions so far.  Ambulance is pushed onto train tracks, train is at least 15 seconds away… nobody gets out of the ambulance?  Oh ok, the ambulance got hit by the train… and they are all still alive, except for the driver.  So the police officer and the prisoner get out of the back.  The prisoner, who is supposed to be poisoned, manages to steal a gun, shoot the police officer (this is apparently his only injury, despite being hit by a fucking train), and run away.  I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS, firstly: I thought rat poison would fuck you up a bit more than that, secondly: last time I checked, ambulances do not survive full-on collisions with trains, thirdly: either Horatio is a total unemotional prick or that guy is a really, really bad actor.  Don’t get me wrong, I love CSI, but they may as well have an episode where someone jumping over a shark on a jetski is actually a central plot point.  I’d still watch it.